Being afraid

“On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being extremely happy, smart and admired, where would you want to stay?”

When asked by my coach, I told him I wanted to be everywhere.

For me there’s no point in choosing a number between 1 and 10 and do everything within my power to stay there.

If my life is about something, than it’s about learning how to appreaciate everything from 1 to 10. It’s about learning how to appreciate life with all its up- and downsides.

Easier said than done.

At the time of my meeting with my coach, I felt I was very close to 10.

But today I’m quite close to 1. And it scares me.

It scares me because it makes me want to fight the feelings and fears I’m experiencing right now. It makes me angry as well because I want to blame some one (me?) for doing this to me. And although I keep telling myself that this miserable moment is as much part of life as that splendid n° 10 moment, it doesn’t make this experience less distressing.

Still, being afraid, being unable to cope with some of my worries, being unable to control myself or repress my feelings and thoughts proves to be a valuable lesson.

Whatever insights I have, whatever training I receive, I will always be human. I will always experience moments from 1 to 10 for the rest of my life. And if I want to enjoy that life and get as fast as possible from 1 to 10 I’d better start to look at these miserable moments with compassion and respect. I better care for these emotions and feelings instead of trying to ignore or repress them.

After all, one of my most profound beliefs is that wisdom only works for those who accept their complete human condition as a gift.

Again, easier said than done.

Although, I guess, there’s nothing else to do in life than to do.

Don’t you?

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