When magic happens – how to turn something bad into something great

This is a story about change and how changing things is as much as about making changes as it is about allowing change to happen. This is a story about how something really frustrating and annoying turned into a great gift. This is a story about the power of being superbly human. Enjoy.

The last couple of months I wake up at night. Why, I don’t know. But when I’m awake I lay there listening and I hear a buzz coming out of the hallway. I was convinced that the noise was caused by my neighbour’s fridges. He’s running a bakery and his fridges are next to our hallway.

So I decided that I had to talk to him. But I kept delaying our meeting. And at the same time I started making up conversations in my head. I started to make scenario’s, started to design strategies about how to obtain my goal, how to anticipate a possible ‘no, I don’t believe you’ and so on. The more I waited, the more tensed I became and the harder it seemed to get in touch and talk about what I thought was happening.

I even got to a point where I thought I wouldn’t be able to keep calm enough to have a proper conversation. And so I talked about it with my coach. He wrote a wonderful letter, showing understanding and compassion. He was familiar with this experience and urged me to be compassionate towards myself and my neighbour. Bottom line was: give each other the chance to have a fruitful experience in trying to find a solution together.

an invitation to get in touch

Last rays of sun before the storm (Photo by Hans Kylberg)

We are all connected in one way or another. It’s what we are destined to. Life without connection does not exist. We live because we are connected, connected to nature, connected to ideas, connected to each other. We live because our organs and cells are connected.

We are because we are in touch with the world we live in.

We are destined to be com-passioned.

And yet at times I find myself longing to escape that world. I want to be out of reach, out of touch. And when I have to be in touch, then I desperately want to be in control. I want to speak to people instead of with people. I want to guide the conversation instead of nourishing it and allowing it to happen. I want to have things my way. This desire, this urge is sometimes so strong that it makes me want to run away badly. But since that’s something which is not likely to happen, I often get angry.

And so I get angry at everything that touches me: smells, people, sounds, tastes, ideas… . It all reminds me of how much I’m not in control. When I’m in such a state it’s like my beloved biosphere has turned into an obnoxious torchuring machine trying to make me into something I’m not. There’s no point in fighting it. Fighting it only makes it worse. It only proves that I can’t overpower it, that it’s beyond my control.

Being afraid

“On a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being extremely happy, smart and admired, where would you want to stay?”

When asked by my coach, I told him I wanted to be everywhere.

For me there’s no point in choosing a number between 1 and 10 and do everything within my power to stay there.

If my life is about something, than it’s about learning how to appreaciate everything from 1 to 10. It’s about learning how to appreciate life with all its up- and downsides.

Easier said than done.

At the time of my meeting with my coach, I felt I was very close to 10.

But today I’m quite close to 1. And it scares me.

It scares me because it makes me want to fight the feelings and fears I’m experiencing right now. It makes me angry as well because I want to blame some one (me?) for doing this to me. And although I keep telling myself that this miserable moment is as much part of life as that splendid n° 10 moment, it doesn’t make this experience less distressing.

Still, being afraid, being unable to cope with some of my worries, being unable to control myself or repress my feelings and thoughts proves to be a valuable lesson.

Whatever insights I have, whatever training I receive, I will always be human. I will always experience moments from 1 to 10 for the rest of my life. And if I want to enjoy that life and get as fast as possible from 1 to 10 I’d better start to look at these miserable moments with compassion and respect. I better care for these emotions and feelings instead of trying to ignore or repress them.

After all, one of my most profound beliefs is that wisdom only works for those who accept their complete human condition as a gift.

Again, easier said than done.

Although, I guess, there’s nothing else to do in life than to do.

Don’t you?