Great leaders master less & foster more

1.

“The really outstanding leaders are people who first listen and get people to tell what they think and what they know. And then to put that all together for a higher order integration. That’s real leadership.” (Daniel Goleman, interview with Harvard Business Review)

Dan Goleman gives a beautiful explanation of what powerful listening can be and how it is, to me, the most effective tool in working towards change in interaction with people. Look through their eyes and see if you can envision the change you have in mind.

Genuine attention is a very intriguing source of energy. While engaging in interaction to change a certain situation I try to start for the assumption that I have no real solution. I may have my ideas, views and opinions, but the real solution for every interaction will be born in that interaction. Think of it as a little seed, planted somewhere in the ground we share beneath our feet. By caring for this ground and that particular seed, by paying attention to it instead of turning it into a battlefield, I may be capable of allowing something beautiful to grow out of our meeting.

Great leaders know how genuine attention can make small ideas grow into big changes. They also know that they can do nothing but enable the change, maybe also encourage it. But the real drive for change comes from within the seed, from within the person you’ll work with, from within everybody you engage with.

2.

“Leading effectively is, in other words, less about mastering situations—or even mastering social skill sets—than about developing a genuine interest in and talent for fostering positive feelings in the people whose cooperation and support you need.” (“Social Intelligence and the Biology of Leadership”, Daniel Goleman & Richard Boyatzis, Harvard Business Review September 2008)

What if your first assumption about someone you negotiate with is: “you have a talent to help me”? How would that change the way you see that person? How would that alter your conversation, your thoughts?

What if your first assumption about someone you coach/assist is: “you have a talent to help yourself”? How would that change the way you approach your client? How would that alter your questioning?

3.

“A more relationship-based construct for assessing leadership is social intelligence, which we define as a set of interpersonal competencies built on specific neural circuits (and related endocrine systems) that inspire others to be effective.” (Daniel Goleman & Richard Boyatzis)

Notice the word “effective”. Why are they saying effective instead of efficient?

Here’s a small exercise. Take the next thing you’re about to do after finishing reading this post. Try to figure out 7 ways to be effective. Now figure out 7 ways to be efficient. What’s the difference?

4.

“Mirror neurons have particular importance in organizations, because leaders’ emotions and actions prompt followers to mirror those feelings and deeds. The effects of activating neural circuitry in followers’ brains can be very powerful.” (Daniel Goleman & Richard Boyatzis)

In short, could you be the change you want to see in your company? Ok, I sort of borrowed that from Ghandi but can you really be that change? Or can you at least imagine what it’s like to experience that change?

Goleman and Boyatzis mention an experiment where one group received negative feedback but in a very positive way (smiles, laughter, …). Another group received positive feedback but the body language of the messenger was negative. Guess which group felt better and which felt worse? Right.

“And everybody knows that when people feel better, they perform better. So, if leaders hope to get the best out of their people, they should continue to be demanding but in ways that foster a positive mood in their teams. The old carrot-and-stick approach alone doesn’t make neural sense; traditional incentive systems are simply not enough to get the best performance from followers.” (Daniel Goleman & Richard Boyatzis)

Quoting Martha Graham

Newark (c) Superblyhuman.com

“You do not have to believe in yourself or your work. It is not your business to determine how good it is, how valuable it is, nor how it compares with other expressions. But it is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly to the urges that motivate you.

“There is a vitality, a life force, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all time, the expression is unique. If you block it, it will never exist through another medium and will be lost. The world will never have it”

A quote from the American choreographer, Martha Graham as found on Hazel Dooney’s blog. I was going to add something but I won’t. It’s as good as it is. Enjoy it. I did.

thank you,
Hazel Dooney
Martha Graham
Hugh MacLeod

Want to be good? Be bad.

If you want to be perceived as a caring person, be selfish (and of course, honestly care about other people as well).

It seems like an odd advice, doesn’t it?

Not entirely. It’s true self-interest is somewhat under suspicion these days. But I believe that we need more people who are honest about their self-interests, people who are openly selfish. I believe it’s not the self-interest or the selfishness which is bad, it’s the growing tendency to lie about it.

I lie because every one does it

Most people lie about their self-interest because they believe that what they want won’t be accepted. They believe that their deepest desire is not acceptable and won’t be perceived as humane.

So they lie and hide their self-interest behind public-interest stories. The paradox is that the more they lie, the more they indulge themselves in behaviour which is inhumane and publicly unacceptable and the more they alienate themselves from that same public.

Culture of distrust

This kind of behaviour is fueling the culture of distrust we’re living in. The result is that public-interest is regared with suspicion every time self-interest is involved. Which in turn even puts more pressure on people to ignore or even lie about their self-interest for the sake of appearing more honest an humane.

This won’t stop until we come to our senses and start to believe that it’s perfectly natural to be selfish and altruistic at the same time. That it’s not a matter of being good or bad, but that it’s rather a matter of understanding why we like being selfish and altruistic and how we can come to solutions which satisfy both personal and public needs.

Imagine … me, myself and us

Imagine we would be more honest about self-interest and selfishness. Think about ceo’s telling their board honestly why they want such a huge salary. And by honestly I don’t mean that they’d say “because I deserve it” but because they explain how it would make them feel, they talk about what they would do with all that money.

Imagine a society that would be respectful to people who are openly selfish. People wouldn’t be afraid to tell how they feel and talk about what they think they want and need. Speaking about what you really want would be a way to bond, a way get in touch with what connects all human beings, a way of showing how human you are.

You have the right to remain silent?

Of course it would require us to judge less. It would also require us to ask more instead of demanding. It would require us to accept that we are all entitled to this planet and to happiness just because we are here and that that would be the end of the discussion and the starting point for negociations.

It’s all like Jekyll and Hyde

In the end, it’s just like Jekyll and Hyde. They used to be one and the same person who wasn’t perfect but human, respected and loved nonetheless. Things went wrong when Dr Jekyll tried to separate his evil side from his good side believing that science (and rationality as such) could ban all evil from humanity. What happened was that Hyde got the best of him. And in the end both Jekyll and Hyde turned into monsters.

The more we’ll try to destroy our Mr Hyde (our selfishness, our greed), the more monstrous our society will become. I believe that it’s in our best interest to accept selfishness as a helpfull and valuable part of who we are. I believe that in doing so we will stand stronger against the lies and deceit that have brought us the economic, social and ecologic catastrophies we are facing right now.

Or in other words, don’t pretend to be superman, be superbly human.

This post was inspired by “Are you a Capitalist or a Creativist” by Rory Sunderland.