The Options Paradox

I don’t know about you but I find too many options inconvenient.

Having a choice is fine. It’s a great way to express who I am and to explore what I want. I love to choose the clothes I’m going to wear. I love to choose the words I’m going to use. Choices are – to a certain extent – empowering and an affirmation of freedom. I can do what I want. Nice.

Or not?

More and more often the idea of too many options gives me stress and makes me choose the default option. Well, choose. Let’s say I’d rather stick to the default option because it feels safer. The net result is that I’m pretty much happy, while at the same time I feel frustrated because I didn’t explore the possibilities these options offered and I might end up paying more for something I don’t enjoy or use completely.

For years now half of my mobile phones’ widgets remain unused, sometimes because I don’t read the manual, sometimes because I know I don’t need them, but most of all because I don’t like to screw things up and ‘disturb’ the phone. Aka: I don’t want to make a mess of it.

So I get to what I call the Options Paradox: at a certain point: offering more options only makes the default more appealing.

Another story. Last year I made my first trip to New York. One evening I wanted to order a wrap in a Mexican restaurent. So I looked at the menu and picked one. What followed was a very frustrating and confusing conversation. The guy behind the counter questioned me for every single ingredient which was supposed to be in the wrap I wanted to order. What kind of bread? How should the bread be backed? Meat? Sauce? Vegetables? I’m simplifying it a little since I can’t remember all the options anymore.

I was so surprised and overwhelmed by what I was asked that I just started nodding and ended up with a role that didn’t live up to what the menu had promised me.

And the worst thing was, it was my choice. Or that’s what was understood as such. If you have all the options and still fail to pick what you want, that’s too bad for you.

Ok I hear you, I may have been a little more assertive.

But it made me think. If options are there to allow us to a) make sure we get what we want b) let us explore and enjoy freedom and c) are supposed to make us feel better about ourselves, then could it be that

• giving too many options is just what you have to do to miss the point?
• if you want people to use the default option, do you have to give them way too many options?
• if you give a lot of options and want people to explore them completely you’d offer them gradually?
• the default choice is actually the default choice and the best choice as well for a reason other than what I’ve stipulated before?

These are questions I cannot answer yet but which I’d love to be able to answer any time soon.

If you know examples or are willing to share some thoughts about the Options Paradox, feel free to contact me @ superblyhuman-at-gmail-dot-com, or leave a comment here.

Now is all you’ve got

Sometimes, it’s simple …

1) Whoever comes is the right people

2) Whatever happens is the only thing that could have

3) Whenever it starts is the right time

4) When it’s over it’s over.

The Law is the so called Law of Two Feet, which states simply, if at any time you find yourself in any situation where you are neither learning nor contributing – use you two feet and move to some place more to you liking.

(source: Purple Pointr)

… but it sure isn’t easy.

I ponder a lot about what happened in the past: what happened yesterday, last year, a decade ago, …? And I often worry about the future as well (what will happen next? where will I be in a year or so? …).

It’s not a bad thing to do, is it? We learn from our mistakes and making plans for the future keeps us focused, right?

I’m not so sure about that.

You see, whatever memory you have and whatever plan you’re thinking about: all you have is now. So to make the best of your mistakes and to realize most of your plans the first you have to do is:

make the most of now. Makes sense, since now is all you’ve got.

And so I take my best shot at doing exactly that.

Every single day, that’s what all of us do: we get up and try to make most of what we have.

Now.

Don’t underestimate the power of listening

As listeners we have a huge power over words.

I often find this underestimated and undervalued.

Usually people tend to think that meaning is simply added to words by the person who utters them.

But is that really true?

I believe people do add meaning to the words we utter, but that that meaning isn’t true until it is properly received.

A word spoken is only a word half meant. Every word we receive is an invitation and a chance to complete its meaning.

Also, it’s not the words that have the power to produce an outcome, it’s always the people who receive them and who deceide to act upon what they perceive who have the power to define the outcome of every conversation.

What would happen to the world if we’d approach language like that?

• Listening would be regarded as an active act, not as something passive
• Listening empowers you, you’re not just a sitting duck wainting to get shot
• Listening is something you are responsible for when engaging in a conversation, since half of the meaning of the words uttered by other people comes from you
• Truths would be something which only exist in agreement, between two people.
• Convincing and persuading people would be regarded as absurd since it would only mean that we would try to convey something which cannot be conveyed. You cannot completely transfer yourself to another person through words, let alone that this other person can completely receive you through those same words.
• People would be respected as authorities of their own self. Nobody knows you better than you do. Period.
• Statements would be questions.
• Demands would turn into invitations.
• …

Thank you Sharon Sayler from Triiibes.com to inspire me to write this post.